Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Ok, so I am pregnant. Due September 1st. About 9 weeks along. Our kids found out before we were ready to announce, which kind of threw me. Early in January they were asking questions about the baby I miscarried earlier in the year. They had remembered that it was due in January. And then Roxcy asks, "Are you pregnant?" Umm . . . ummm . . . the news was only a few days old, but we couldn't LIE. So we said, actually yes, but you have to keep it a secret, mom wants to go to the doctor first. They did really well. Roxcy's line (that she shared with her primary class and friends) was, "Do you know what my New Year's resolution is? To be better at keeping secrets. Especially the big secret I'm keeping now." The day after my doctor's appointment I was at the kids school and Jonah's aide congratulated me. At first I wasn't sure why she was congratulating me, but then she said something about another baby. The minute it was ok, he told everyone he could. He also likes to show anyone who comes over the sonogram picture. He's really hoping we can name the baby Artica. Their ultra uber excitement has brightened my mood about the whole thing. It's hard not to catch their enthusiasm. Don't get me wrong, I'm so happy to be pregnant. But I'm also maybe too aware of all it entails. With Roxcy it was all pure excitement, anticipation, hoping, dreaming. Even the nausea and growing belly were somewhat of a novelty and I was constantly curious as to what was going to happen next. Now I'm a little more . . . . . well . . . . tired. And more nervous. After miscarrying at 12 weeks, I'm afraid of a lot more. And I can't help but focus on the stories I hear from friends of stillbirths, chromosome abnormalities and premature infants. Anything seems very possible. But then Roxcy tells me she wants to change Colin's diaper to practice for when the new baby comes and Colin whispers "Hi baby" to my tummy and Jonah prays for "Mom and the new baby" and I'm overwhelmed with gratitude at the children I have and the one I'm carrying and I can't wait to see what will happen next.