Wednesday, July 19, 2006

An Open Letter To Squirrels

Dear Squirrels,
When we moved
to Denver, I was delighted to discover you in the trees of our yard. You had such cute mannerisms. I loved to watch you scamper, climb and jump. I felt like Snow White communing with cute, fuzzy characters. My children named you all Mr. Toby and we would make up adventure stories about you. In New York you scatter our garbage, even chewing through the garbage lids to get to yummy bites of poopy diapers. I am a tolerant person and have overlooked your growing number of annoying habits. But now you have gone too far! You must have started sucking propane from the bbq hose in the winter. I felt bad for you, thinking you must not have enough to eat. But you have persisted. Who knew propane was so addictive? Or is it the rubber hose that you enjoy so much? The first few holes were repairable, but now, with gaping holes in the hose and a hard-to-find part unusable, the bbq is out of commission. It saddens me, it saddens my children (who now have to eat cold cereal for dinner because I'm NOT heating up the house!). Please, for our sake and your own, get help. Now.


Megan McQ said...

So funny and true! We were so charmed by the bounty of squirrels when we moved to the East Coast, thinking it a true delight that they'd scamper through our yards so winsomely. Now, we recognize them as more of pests--although I must admit, your squirrels have real problems. Have you ever looked into squirrel therapy?

Lindsey said...

When I moved to NY I loved watching the cute squirrels scurry across the road. And it made me sad as I counted the numerous little furry creatures piled up on the side or middle of the road. Then I started to notice that there were more to these NY squirrels. They were bad. Very bad. Instead of dodging them, I wanted to hit them head-on when they ran out in front of my car. We have a couple that live across the street from yours. They eat my plants and knock over my watering can. If they are going to drink propane and eat poop, they deserve what's coming to them.

By they way, LOVE your blog. It's about time!

Design Mom said...

Squirrels = the rats of Westchester
Ducks/Geese = the pigeons of Westchester

liz said...

Hi Erin!! I love the red 'x'.

steve u. said...

I think it's an East Coast thing. Houston has tons of squirrels, and they are cute. When I went to Mass. for college, they had evil squirrels. One -- "Satan," as we affectionately called him -- had a gnawed off tail and would attack anyone who came close. He attacked me something like 5 times.